I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize