You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
