I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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