I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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