We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
