i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize