We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
