p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
