SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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