your parents love me but you hate me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
