3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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