How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
