I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize