Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
