Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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