So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
