Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
