Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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