My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
