The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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