I accidentally had phone sex last night
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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