I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Randomize
