im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
