I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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