On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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