It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
