she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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