i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize