he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
