Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
