Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
