Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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