Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
