Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
