how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
