my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
