Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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