you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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