I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize