WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
