he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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