i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize