I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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