I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
