yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize