So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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