Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
