How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
