I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
