; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize