And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
