I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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