my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
