apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize