Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
