I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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