Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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