I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just invented taco cereal.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize