The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
