don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
where are my eyebrows?
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