I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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