He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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