**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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