When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
