I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
