I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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