I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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