If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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