We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
