i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
