I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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