i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
