If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
