just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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