I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
