Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
