some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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