I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
