Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
