i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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