My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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