you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
