i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you never un-have a 4some
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
