Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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