you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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