I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
