During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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