it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
