the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just found out that she named her cat after me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
