I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
