we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
