I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
