There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
