around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
